Cancer Sucks

I woke up to a gray, rainstormy kinda day.  I really like days like this.  Here in soFLA, we have a lot of sun and a dark day is kinda a welcome change every-now-and-then.  Plus, I have a big metal patio roof that just sounds awesome with the rain hitting it.  And since I work from home and don't really HAVE to go anywhere... it is nice for sewing.
I pulled the spare sewing machine out of and turned the kitchen table into my sewing station for the day so I didn't have to wait until my son's naptime to get to work in the not-childproof-sewing-room.  I had a very productive sew day and finished off the first of the "Team Liza Blue" aprons.  I quickly snapped some shots of it and started my auction on facebook.  I had initially planned to write this blog post as a way to talk about that apron and the auction but something happened not long after that has sidetracked my focus.
Before I get too far off topic, quick rundown, my cousin's daughter has a super-rare stage four cancer of the liver (more about her here) and has to travel from Huntsville to Dallas every few months and I made some aprons to help her raise money for travel expenses.  You can see the auction here, it is going from now until Thursday, February 9, 2012 at 6PM EST.
So, after setting everything up and sending out a few shout-outs on facebook to try and promote it, I got back to sewing. A few hours later I go and check my email and there is a message from my mom.  Next week will be the 10th anniversary of her death!  I can't describe the rush of emotion that waved over me seeing her name come up in my email feed.  I burst into tears before even reading the message.  I miss her so much.  You'd think it would get easier, but it doesn't.  My feelings are strongest when I think about her and my kids.  She died before she got to be a grandma and kids were her favorite thing in the whole world.  If she were alive, she would be the happiest grandma on earth.  I cry every time I think about how much she is missing and has missed in the last decade.  I cry for selfish things too.  I cry because I wish I could have her around for things I need.  I wish I could ask her for advice or just tell her things that would make her proud of me.  I was 26 when she died, but I wasn't done growing up, I still needed my mom. 
Obviously it wasn't my mom who had emailed me, it was my dad.  He still had access to my mom's account and wanted to write to me from her about this apron because he wanted to express how he knew that she would want to help too. 
Cancer sucks. It has really dished out a lot of pain to a lot of people all over the world.  The saddest part is that list just keeps going on and on.  I feel so many emotions about it but mainly just feel helpless.  My mom died of breast cancer after catching it early, and fighting it aggressively. She was super healthy and did everything right.  None of that mattered.  Liza, she is only 23!  I guess that is why I wanted to make these aprons.  Just so I could do something. I don't have any cures. I don't have a lot of money.  I don't know the right things to say. But I can sew! So for now... I guess that is my own personal way to try to help fight this cancer that is currently hurting my family.
-Shelley